Anonymous asks:

How the heck do I squirt?


One of my favorite takeaways from Emily Nagoski’s Come As You Are is the idea of “all the same parts, organized differently.” Basically, regardless of your biological sex and tingly bits, every body has all the same parts organized in different ways. Those different ways, in turn, have a cascade effect, impacting the hormones that get produced, whether we sit or stand while we pee, and so much more. 

Any conversation about squirting needs to be grounded in this conversation because for so long the idea of “female” ejaculation was ridiculed, shamed, and fetishized. But here’s what quite a bit of research shows: everyone has a prostate. And one of the prostate’s functions is to produce a liquid that can be ejalucated during orgasm. A liquid, it’s worth noting, that is not urine.

In people with vulvas, the prostate is more commonly called the Skene’s Glands. Just like people with penises produce varying amounts of ejaculate, including none, so too to those with vulvas. 

All the same parts, organized, and therefore, functioning differently.

So then, how do you squirt?

10 Steps to Squirt


    1. Know that it’s possible. No matter your body, you have the bits that can produce ejaculate.
    2. Ditch the expectations. As Marla Renee Stewart, a sexologist and sex educator, reminds us, “squirting can range from a small drip to an 8-foot waterfall, so don’t go into the experience having expectations of what it should be.  


  • Be prepared. If you’re worried about peeing (I promise it’s not), go to the bathroom before sex. Worried about making a mess? You could use a towel or puppy pad, but I prefer this waterproof sex blanket. In addition to being soft and luxurious, it’s also machine washable and discreet enough to keep at the end of your bed.
  • Use the right motions. Try tapping, stroking, massaging, or making a “come hither” signal. 
  • Use pressure. About as much pressure as you would enjoy for a solid shoulder or neck massage. If you need an assist with this, give The Pure Wand a shot. This cult favorite sex toy is well-known as a squirting machine.
  • Be open to a different sensation. For many people, the G-spot creates a distinct sensation from clitoral stimulation, says Eva Blake, a somatic sex educator. When the clit is stimulated, a common response is to clench the pelvic floor, legs, belly, and butt until orgasm. With the G-Spot, many people report feeling like the pelvis is opening, softening, expanding. 
  • Embrace that “I feel like I have to pee” sensation. Stewart suggests that you breathe deeply and bear down when it arrives—it’s a sign that you’re almost there!
  • Welcome big emotions. Our bodies, especially our pelvic region, hold onto emotions. Stimulating the G-Spot can bring them up says Blake. You may be tempted to change direction and do something different, but she recommends you “keep going with the touch and allow the emotions to rise up and out of the body.” 
  • Give yourself time, patience, and grace. Learning something new often takes some time. Add in the impacts of trauma, big feelings, and past relationships, and Blake says it may take several sessions—or more—plus some crying and confusion before you feel the “rolling waves of wet release.” 


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