Ask Kait: 4 Sex Positions for Fat People
Are there any books I might check out for sex with an unusually heavy man? Without getting too graphic, his stomach is so large, we cannot have sex; it just simply cannot be done…therefore other positions are necessary…I need help.
So your beau has a big belly and it makes penis-in-vagina sex hard. Being of size doesn’t have to limit your sex life. With a few adjustments, you’ll be on your way to having the intimate, exciting, and fulfilling sex life you crave.
Focus on positions where you don’t have to bear their weight, like you being on top or having them penetrate you from behind. Here are four ideas to get you started.
The receiving partner gets comfortable on all fours with their back arched. If it’s more comfortable, rest the head and chest on pillows and blankets. The penetrating partner kneels behind them, resting their belly on the receiving partner’s bum.
The penetrating partner lies on their back. The receiving partner places their knees on each side of their partner, facing their feet. The receiving partner then leans forward so their partner’s belly isn’t in the way, and sits on their penis or strap-on. Leaning forward also makes it easier for the receiving partner to move up and down or back and forth. The receiving partner can also put pillows under their knees for more comfort—or to adjust for different heights.
The receiving partner lies on their right side near the edge of the bed, with their bottom leg hanging off and their top leg straight up in the air. The penetrating partner steps between their split legs, holding the leg that’s lifted. The penetrating partner also can have their belly rest on the receiving partner’s pelvis and abdomen. Because this position is so open, it’s great for partners to use their hands and mouths to explore each other during penetration.
The receiving partner lies on their back with pillows under their legs so they open in a wide V shape. The penetrating partner kneels between the V, lifting their belly out of the way and onto their partner’s pelvis and belly. For g-spot stimulation, have the receiving partner put a pillow under their hips.
Additional Strategies for Sex With an Overweight Partner
Along with the above sex positions, there are other ways to make sex with an overweight partner easier for them and more enjoyable for both of you:
Incorporate Props Into Your Sex
Props are an excellent addition to sex for overweight people, as they often provide additional support. The best props for sex don’t come from a fancy store: you can find them right in your linen closet! I’m talking about pillows and rolled-up towels. Use them to balance, relieve stress on joints, and get creative. Place them are under your head, knees, hips, or anywhere else you need some extra support, comfort, or lift.
Don’t have what you need on hand? Make your shopping trip part of the foreplay. As you debate which sizes and shapes you’ll use where, you’ll want to rush home and put them to use!
Communicate Wants & Needs During Sex
Chat with your partner about what positions you want to try—which ones sound fun? Look sexy? Feel good?—and how you can adapt them to work for your body. You also can ask them what words they’d like you to use to describe their belly, as well as if and how they’d like you to touch it. Remember: there’s no single “right” answer here. It’s about what he’s comfortable with and excited by right now.
During sexy times, keep the communication going with these tips.
Don’t discount sex toys
There are plenty of sex toys available that help make sex with your overweight partner a little easier to navigate:
- This penis extender sheath can make him longer so that he can reach in different positions.
- A vibrating penis ring gives you extra stimulation, right where you need it.
- Sex slings—whether for your body or for the door—let you get into new positions and feel supported in your favorites.
Embracing Your Partner’s Fat is an Intimate Act
The more you can work towards being with, accepting, and even loving your partner’s body, the more it can become part of your sexy fun times. Holding their belly or other areas of their body, or shifting them to adjust into a position can become an intimate part of your sex life rather than an obstacle. Just be sure to outline boundaries and make sure you have a solid understanding of where on your partner’s body they enjoy (and don’t enjoy) being touched.
Remember that sex is so much more than PIV
Shift your goal from having penis-in-vagina sex to experiencing as much pleasure as possible. How you get there—hands, mouths, toys, or cocks—doesn’t matter so much as feeling satisfied.
Even More Resources For Even More Sex Positions For Heavier People
Featured image by Tabata Roja
Author Bio Kait Scalisi, MPH, is an advocate for the revolutionary power of pleasure inside the bedroom and out. Through her public workshops, private counselling, and online platform Passion By Kait, she harnesses her science education, social justice insight, and radical empathy to empower folx to get more in tune with their bodies, discover what brings them pleasure, and integrate it into their lives and relationships in ways that are both practical and powerful. Learn more and find #freedominpleasure at PassionbyKait.com, Instagram and Twitter @PassionbyKait, and Facebook www.facebook.com/PassionbyKait.