how to have anal sex

Butt Sex Basics: How to have anal sex

Anal sex hurts.

Everyone’s doing it.

It’s no big deal.

It means you’re gay.

As anal sex becomes more mainstream, myths about it grow. Whether you’re interested in exploring the back door for the first time, want to go deeper, or have had a bad experience and want to do it right, read on for everything you need to know about easing into anal sex.

Anal play should never hurt

Many people have the expectation that anal has to hurt. Or they’ve tried it and it did hurt. This doesn’t have to be the case!

Pain is your body’s way of saying, “hey, boo—something isn’t right.” It means you need to pause, figure out if it’s something you can address right away, and either course correct or stop completely.

Despite its prevalence, pain during sex is neither normal nor necessary.

How do you prevent anal from hurting?

Start slow and small…

Before you try to stick anything in any ass, start with a sensual booty massage. Knead, spank, and stroke the hips and ass to relax the entire body, especially the muscles in and around the butt. From there, start to massage the perineum (t’aint), that area between the vaginal opening or scrotum and the butthole.

Then and only then, use a finger or a toy the size of one, to massage in and around the butthole. You might not get far but that’s OK! Most of the nerve endings in the anus are just inside the butthole. You can enjoy all the pleasure, without all the penetration.

As you get more comfortable with anal penetration, you’ll be able to increase the length and girth of what’s going inside.

…and use lots of lube

The butt isn’t as elastic as the vagina, plus it doesn’t produce its own lubrication. That means lube is a must. Think you used enough? Add a little more. For fingers and penises, use a silicone or oil-based lube (just don’t mix oil and latex condoms). For silicone sex toys, try a water-based anal lube.

Avoid desensitizing lubes. Pain is your body’s way of telling you to slow down. Numbing that increases your risk of issues like infections, irritation, or tears.

Sex toys help—but use the right ones

Toys can help you prep for anal sex (butt plugs are fab for this), go deeper (anal beads are great for this since they’re graduated), bring a double penetration fantasy to life (despite being in a monogamous relationship), and just plain feel good.

Unlike the vagina, which has the cervix to prevent anything from going into your body, the butt is a one-way highway. Things can, and will, get sucked into your body. You don’t want that. Nevermind any potential embarrassment, it also can cause serious damage to your rectum and internal organs.

Anything you stick in your butt must have a flange or flared base that’s wider than the widest part of the toy.

Please don’t sit on a mason jar, lightbulb, vase, regular dildo, or anything else that isn’t made for the butt, big or small!

Yes, there might be some poop…

You aren’t likely to actually poop during anal sex, but real talk: you might come into contact with some. If this concerns you, here are three tips:

  • Use an enema beforehand to clean your booty out
  • Use condoms on penises and toys and finger cots on fingers
  • Use black toys to minimize what you see

Because of the presence of fecal matter, you should never go between the back door and any other opening like the vagina or mouth. Don’t invite infection in! You can even make a rule like “left hand, ass!” so you don’t have to think too much about it in the moment.

…and it’s OK if you can’t get over that

Despite all the hype, a recent survey found that only “36% of millennials have female anal sex and 15% have male anal sex at least some of the time” (Source). So, no, not everyone is doing it.

In fact not everyone should do it. If you have hemorrhoids, active inflammation, a fissure, or other booty issues, avoid anal sex. You can still enjoy other forms of anal play like sensual booty massage, rimming (oral-anal stimulation), and spanking.

No, it doesn’t say anything about anyone’ sexuality

Who you’re attracted to and the sex acts you enjoy aren’t related. At all.

Yes it can feel fucking amazing

The same nerve that goes to the clitoris and tip of the penis also runs through your anus! That’s what makes anal sex feel so pleasurable. The majority of these nerve endings are closer to the butt hole, meaning that you don’t need to go deep in order to find freedom in pleasure.

Beyond the nerves, anal sex makes you feel full in a way that’s different from other types of intercourse. Plus, if you have a prostate—often called the other g-spot—anal sex directly stimulates that.  Prostate stimulation can lead to stronger orgasms and even multiples, with or without an erection or penis stimulation.

Anal sex is one of many ways to find #freedominpleasure

If you’re totally into trying butt sex, go for it with these tips! If you’re not, that’s great, too! Whatever you decide, and however that may change over time, having the best info will help you have a more intimate, exciting, and fulfilling sex life.

Featured image by Claire Jantzen
A Monthly Experience Unlike Any Other. Shop Cora.
you may also like...

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *