Relationship Tests That Increase Intimacy
One of my heroes, Gretchen Rubin, praises the power of knowing yourself better. Doing so helps you build a life that supports your best qualities and helps you navigate your unique challenges. The same can be true for your partnership—and that’s where relationship tests come in.
Relationship tests help you create an exciting, fulfilling, and intimate partnership that lasts
They teach you about you and your partner(s)’s personalities, and how you interact. By understanding these personal and interpersonal factors, you can figure out what to say in any situation. How to support and love each other. How to initiate Big Scary Talks.
The sooner you take relationship tests, the better
I don’t mean whip them out on the first date! A good time to suggest this activity is once you decide to pursue something more serious. The knowledge you gain from these tests helps you create an unshakeable foundation. And no sweat if you’ve been together for a while—it benefits you to periodically revisit these relationship tests and their results to discover new insights.
Is your partner giving you a hard time about taking these? Let them know it’s important to you to create the strongest and sexiest relationship you can—and that these tests are one part of that. It helps to mention benefits like deeper connection, better sex, and more ease.
Six relationship tests for better sex and a more intimate relationship
To know yourself better
The Enneagram tells you your basic personality type. It covers areas from how you work to how you relate to others. None of the types are better or worse than any other and each has positive and negative qualities. Knowing these can help you put supports in place to navigate any liabilities and uplift your assets. Plus, once you know yours and your partner’s type, you can get advice on how you can work better, together.
16 Personalities assesses you based on five personality aspects: mind, energy, nature, tactics, and identity. Together these define both your Role—your goals, interests, and preferred activities—and your Strategies—your preferred way of doing things and achieving goals. Taken together you gain deeper understanding about your overall personality, how you relate to others, and how you can navigate your more challenging traits. This is my favorite of the personality tests because it’s free and you get a fun name like Virtuoso, Protagonist, or Architect.
The Four Tendencies is a personality framework that tells you how you respond to inner and outer expectations. See where this is going? Knowing your Tendency and that of your partner can help you alleviate resentment, boost understanding, and minimize anger. That’s because communicating your wants and needs, meeting those of your honey, and vice versa becomes infinitely easier when you know the type of support you need! The Tendencies also explain a lot of behavior that may annoy you—like a ‘Questioner’ asking lots of questions—as you realize that it isn’t about them not trusting you (not that I don’t know anything about that).
To know how to better relate to your beau
The 5 Love Languages reveals your emotional communication preference, or what makes you feel loved. The test tells you your primary and secondary love languages—words of affirmation, gifts, physical touch, acts of kindness, quality time, or acts of service—what it means, and how you can use it to connect more deeply with your beau. By understanding how to show them love and vice versa, you decrease the risk of unmet expectations and welcome in deep connection.
The Index of Learning Styles tells you how you engage with information while VARK teaches you which strategies will help you learn. Similar to your love language, when you know how you and your partner best learn, you can present information—like trying new things in the bedroom—to them in a way that helps them process and provide an answer that is true for them rather than a knee jerk reaction. For example, my partner needs to do research and spend time with information before making a decision whereas I need to try something out first. Knowing this lets us explore each other’s desires safely and with minimal conflict.
Communication is the cornerstone of successful relationships, and the Interpersonal Communication Skills Test rates your skills. I love that it assesses both verbal and nonverbal communication as well as your ability to listen carefully. Knowing your strengths and weaknesses in this area as well as how to manage them, allows you to navigate arguments and important conversations with more ease.
Now that you know better, be a better partner
Take one of the tests, learn as much as you can about your results, and put them into action. The knowledge you gain from these relationship tests can help you build a more intimate, exciting, and fulfilling partnership.
Have a sex question? Email email@example.com and I’ll answer it in an upcoming post.
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Author Bio Kait Scalisi, MPH is a sex educator for women who crave a sex life that’s as intimate, exciting, and fulfilling as the rest of their relationship. Through her workshop & counselling, she teaches you to say OMG YES to your desires and release all the BS that holds you back—while feeling totally comfortable. Learn more and find #freedominpleasure at PassionbyKait.com, Instagram and Twitter @PassionbyKait, and Facebook www.facebook.com/PassionbyKait.