No, You Can't Get Addicted to Your Vibrator
addicted to vibrator

No, You Can’t Get Addicted to Your Vibrator

Whenever I teach about sex toys, I start by reviewing the benefits: easier and stronger orgasms, increased desire, and an overall more intimate, exciting, and fulfilling sex life. Then, I invite people to tell me all the bad stuff they’ve heard about toys—because there can be legitimate downsides.

…Getting addicted isn’t one of them

Here’s what can happen: you can fall into a rut with your toy, just like you can fall into a rut with your partner.

Our brains like to take shortcuts. They look for patterns, to create “if, then” statements: if you experience x, you react with y.

This pattern helps you get through life without being constantly overloaded. It also causes problems, everything from stereotyping to falling into a rut with your sex toy. If you use the same toy (on the same setting in the same position with the same amount of lube and pressure) each time you self-pleasure, your body learns, “this is how I experience orgasm.”

The longer you do this, the stronger those neural pathways get. That can make it harder to experience orgasm in other situations because you’ve taught your body to expect certain sensations to trigger orgasm. The obvious solution then is to do some unlearning.

Before I talk about that unlearning, it’s important to clarify a few myths:

Partners and toys aren’t the same

They fill different roles (and sometimes, different holes at the same time). Toys provide a high amount of stimulation precisely to your most sensitive areas, while partners provide love, support, comfort, and so much more. Sex toys don’t replace partners any more than dolls replace parents.

Orgasms aren’t given, they’re self-made

Your beau doesn’t give you an orgasm. They facilitate you creating one—and toys do the same. If your partner loves you, they want you to experience all the freedom in pleasure. Toys are one more way to help you get there.

There is nothing wrong with you or your partner if you need a toy to experience orgasm

Toys are designed to stimulate your most sensitive spots, the ones that are more likely to lead to orgasm. They’re also fabulous tools for when physical limitations get in the way of having the type of sexy times that previously led you to experience orgasm.

Relying on a toy to orgasm is only a problem if you feel it is

If you are satisfied with your sex life and orgasm, then keep on keeping on! If not, then keep reading.

What to do if you find yourself in a rut with your toy—or want to prevent one

  1. Change one thing at a time. When changing our habits, it often works best to take baby steps rather than do a life overhaul. This sets you up to succeed by building your confidence. So, start by changing your position or the toy or the speed. Notice how that changes things for you. The next time you use the toy, change something else, and so on.
  2. Set aside some time. Because you are taking away part of the trigger for your orgasm, it can take longer to get there. As you go through this unlearning, give yourself some extra time to masturbate. This will help you to not feel frustrated!
  3. Get present. Take a few minutes to get settled. Meditate if you have a practice. Or, scan your body from head to toe to get a sense of how you feel physically and emotionally. Or do some sensate focus, noticing five things you see, four that you feel, three that you hear, two that you smell, and one that you taste. If you’re with a partner, practice some eye-gazing. Sit across from each other, holding hands. Stare into each other’s eyes for several minutes.
  4. Breathe. Breathe into your pelvis. With every inhale, feel your diaphragm move up as your chest expands and your pelvic floor move down. If you can’t feel this, that’s OK—imagining your muscles moving still activates them.
  5. Use lots of foreplay. When I participated in a mindful masturbation challenge, we were encouraged to dance and stretch as part of daily practice. Do this. Touch your body all over, except your genitals. Stroke, tease, moan, and have fun with it!
  6. Engage your PC muscles. If you don’t have any pelvic pain or other pelvic conditions, try pairing your breath with pelvic floor contractions. On the inhale, breathe into your pelvis, feeling it expand down and away from your belly. On the exhale, squeeze, pulling up and into your belly. You can do this with or without a toy in you.
  7. Be patient. Recognize that your orgasm may not happen as quickly or it may take several sessions before you experience once.
  8. Take a vibrator break. Depending on how long you’ve depended on your vibrator, and how distressed you are, you may want to consider a month-long vibrator break. You can also look into alternates scenarios. For example, one of my clients who’s in a long distance relationship realized that she could experience orgasm during partner sex easily so long as she didn’t use her vibrator for a few days beforehand. Aren’t bodies cool?

Make a habit of switching it up

Even if you don’t feel like you’re currently in a rut, making a habit of switching up your masturbation routine will help prevent a rut from happening. Same goes for partner sex. If you need inspiration for new toys or new ways to use toys, google “[toy name] review” and you’ll find tons of sex bloggers who talk about the latest and greatest products and how they use them. Explore until you find someone whose preferences echo your own.

They’re called toys for a reason

Toys are meant to be played with! Toys add fun, newness, and variety to your sex life. They help you act out fantasies and discover new desires. Use a variety, in different ways, and enjoy.

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One Response to “No, You Can’t Get Addicted to Your Vibrator”

Niki

September 07, 2018 5:03 am

I use vibrator only as alternative sometimes.

Reply

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