How to Have—and Keep Having—a Vaginal Orgasm

How to Have—and Keep Having—a Vaginal Orgasm

Ella* asks: How do I have a vaginal orgasm and how to keep getting it? Not clitoral.

In my near decade as a sex educator, this is one of the most common questions I hear from people with vulvas**. Some want to experience all their body’s gifts. Others feel pressured to by society or their partner(s).

Whatever your reason, Ella, vaginal orgasms let you experience pleasure in a new way and enhance intimacy. Here are some steps to experience one—and to keep it coming (literally).

Know your vagina’s most sensitive spots

That would be your G-spot (learn how to guide your partner to it here), cervix, and A-spot.

Let’s get this out of the way: YES! Your G-spot exists. We aren’t sure what exactly it is and it might be more of a zone than an x-marks-the-spot, but for many people with vulvas, there’s an area on the frontal vaginal wall—that’s the belly-button side of your vagina—that, when stimulated, brings you oodles of pleasure.

Your cervix is the lowest part of your uterus that protrudes into your vagina. It feels a bit like the tip of your nose.

Your A-spot, also known as the anterior fornix or AFE, is an arch located just in front of your cervix. This more recently discovered spot, when stimulated, can quickly turn you on and get you wet.

Use the right kind of stimulation

Spoiler: quick and fast thrusts usually won’t do it. Instead you want slow, smooth, steady pressure. It may help you to think about how you enjoy having your clitoris played with and mimic that internally.

For the G-spot, you may need a lot of pressure—about as much as you enjoy during a shoulder massage! Your partner’s fingers or a heavy dildo like the Njoy Pure Wand may work better than a penis.

For your cervix, it’s best to get really turned on first or else it may feel uncomfortable. Your cervix also changes positions and sensitivity throughout your cycle, even if you’re on hormonal birth control. Generally avoid stimulating it right before and during your period.

For your A-spot, think slow, deep thrusts with some back and forth motion versus in-and-out. Because it’s so close to your cervix, the same precautions apply.

How to have an orgasm: Assume the position

The best positions for hitting any of these spots are ones that let your partner’s penis press up against the front vaginal wall. Think: doggy style, spooning, or any variation of reverse cowgirl.

Take your damn time

Real talk: it can take up to 40 minutes for a person with a vulva to become fully aroused—and just as long to experience a vaginal orgasm. Take the time to get really turned on. Once you find a position and type of stimulation that feels good, keep doing it to build your pleasure.

Adjust your expectations

Vaginal and clitoral orgasms don’t necessarily feel the same. Often vaginal orgasms feel subtle at first. They’re deeper and less explosive, and build if you stick with it.

Breathe into your pussy

As your pleasure builds, think about taking deep breaths all the way into your genitals. This will shift your focus there, heighten your sensation, and make you more likely to experience orgasm. You may also try breathing just through your nose as this engages your core and pelvic floor differently.

Strengthen your brain-vagina connection

Many people with vulvas are really disconnected from them. This isn’t a surprise given the shame and silencing that we experience, as well as the fact that experiencing an orgasm from clitoral stimulation is often easier.

Regardless, you want to teach your brain that your vagina can be a source of pleasure too. That means increasing how often you masturbate using internal stimulation and playing with your clitoris less, if at all. How strict you get with this depends on a lot of personal factors like how and how often you self-pleasure, why you want to experience a vaginal orgasm, and more. For example, one of my counseling clients found that simply avoiding using her vibrator a few days before intercourse let her experience vaginal orgasms. Meanwhile, another client had to stop touching her clitoris at all for several weeks in order to experience vaginal orgasm.

Heal tension, pain, and trauma

Many people with vulvas hold a lot of stress in them. Physically, that means having a tight pelvic floor—the hammock of muscles in and around your vagina and anus that support your core and internal organs, and  contract when you experience orgasm—and possibly pain with penetration.

If this is the case, I recommend working with a pelvic floor physical therapist. If that’s not possible, you can use your fingers or a dildo to find points of tension or pain in your vagina. Gently apply pressure, taking deep breaths, until it relaxes.

Create the right context

You’ll get the best results if you combine these physical techniques with the right context. For most people that’s low stress, high trust, and high affection.

You can experience a vaginal orgasm

It may take time and patience, and not feel exactly like what you expected. But if you let go of pressure to do it “right”, and embrace experiencing as much pleasure as possible, you’ll discover just how much joy your body can give you.

Your Partner in Passion,

Kait xo

Want me to answer your sex questions? Email

*Names have been changed.

**Using language like this acknowledges that not all people with certain genitals are the gender that was assigned to them based on those genitals. Some men have vaginas, some women have penises, and some people with vaginas identify as neither male nor female.

Featured image by Natalie Allgyer
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15 Responses to “How to Have—and Keep Having—a Vaginal Orgasm”

Ask Kait: 4 Sex Positions for Overweight People

October 03, 2018 5:00 pm

[…] your goal from having penis-in-vagina sex to experiencing as much pleasure as possible. How you get there—hands, mouths, toys, or […]


This has gone too far

November 22, 2018 9:26 am

Wow, so now I am no longer a woman, but a person with a vulva. I’m sorry, I’m all for diversity, rights, freedom and inclusivity for every human on this planet, but we should be very careful when this means taking other people’s rights away. I do not like to be referred to as a person with a vulva, I am a woman. Period.



March 15, 2019 7:40 pm

> I totally agree with you. That’s political correctness for you and it’s gone way too far!!! Sorry, if someone has a vagina, whether she likes it or not, whether she feels it or not, SHE IS A WOMAN, period. Once she has a sex change, then it’s a different story.
Same for a man. If a someone has a penis, biologically HE’S A MAN. Until, he has the penis removed and replaced.



March 17, 2019 12:32 am

I hate this comment because some people identify themselves as male when they aren’t and it’s stupid in all honesty. But if you have a vulva, it’s applying to you. Maybe you “identify as female” but if you don’t have a vulva this doesn’t apply to you.>


How to Use Sex Toys with Your Partner - Blood + Milk

November 28, 2018 11:16 am

[…] times mores likely to experience orgasm as those who don’t. That’s because toys are designed to stimulate your most sensitive spots. […]



March 25, 2019 4:36 am

You seem to be confused. Men do not have vulvas. Women have vulvas. Men have penises.



March 29, 2019 3:57 am

Wow there are a lot of assholes in your comments, huh?

Thank you for a fantastic piece. Just had my first vaginal orgasm, and everything you wrote here makes perfect sense … and sort of validated my experience. Thank you again



April 09, 2019 2:05 pm

What’s the difference between back and forth and in and out motion?



April 23, 2019 6:25 pm

Really happy to read these comments, it makes me feel less alone to know that not only do other women have the same concern with sexual function as I do, but that they also like to be called women and don’t feel like they should be referred to as “people with vulvas”. I came here to read about a very sensitive topic that has given me a lot of grief as a woman and to get some advice for what to do, and I strongly dislike and resent my genitals being decoupled from my identity as a woman. Vulvas are associated with women, and there’s nothing wrong with that. I’m sorry and maybe I’m backwards for a person under 25, but, I don’t feel like you should insult the identities of the vast majority just to validate the identities of the minority.



April 27, 2019 12:55 pm

I think I killed my clitoris with my vibrator. My partner used to be able to bring me to orgasm via clitoral stimulation quite quickly. But now he can’t. It’s frustrating.
But what he does while he’s inside of me seems more earth-shattering.
One session lasted 2 hours and he stayed inside me the whole time. Some Kama Sutra shit.
At first I thought I was faking it. But just this morning, he got my whole body shaking. I don’t feel my vagina pulse like with a clitoral orgasm, but he touches a spot and my entire body quakes. It’s totally involuntary.

It feels totally different.



May 02, 2019 10:01 am

Hanagirl have you gotten your clitoral feeling back? I’m having the same issue and dont know what to do now.



May 06, 2019 4:52 pm

Hanagirl, I’m so glad I read your comment. I wasn’t really sure what a vaginal orgasm should feel like. I thought it would be the same as a clitoral one. Reading your comment gives me hope. Maybe I have had a vaginal one before and just didn’t know it.



May 21, 2019 2:26 am

WHY on EARTH would a woman be offended by someone saying she has a vulva??? A vulva is what the exterior female genitalia is called-all the parts together. I don’t understand how that is offensive unless you are ashamed to have one.
Thing I do not like as a woman is how people claim that there HAS to be clitoral stimulation in order to have a vaginal orgasm. Not a single one of my complete vaginal orgasms involved clitoral stimulation by myself or a partner whatsoever. These people would say that I’ve never actually had one then. Make me squirt nine times and number ten is the big bang. The actual secret? The anus has to be empty and the man has to pull out-or you get off of him-woman can’t complete when he is inside of you or there is stool in the rectum. Can’t fully squirt either. Have him exit each time you squirt. Each squirt will come faster than the last. #10 and POOF! It also has to do with trust and respect of the man-you have to adore him and trust him completely or it will not happen with the guy. Ever. It really IS THAT simple, ladies. What I just told you will get you there almost every time.


Catherine M. Hyde

June 03, 2019 12:48 am

Ashley- Excuse me but what? I’m assuming if by “big bang” you are referring to the actual vaginal orgasm then what are “squirts” 1-9? How do you know you are about to “squirt”? How do you make your body continue towards “squirting” if you are no longer being stimulated because he has pulled out. Wouldn’t the sensations just stop? I think a little more explanation is in order for those of us not in the know…



June 12, 2019 4:16 am

So many mad cis people in the comments. It must suck to get a taste of your own medicine, right?


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