How to Give a Rim Job
Pop culture depictions of sex are notoriously inaccurate. From rom coms to 50 Shades, they create unrealistic expectations about how sex happens. The upside? These scenes get people talking. This is certainly true for the cringeworthy analingus scene in Girls.
Though rim jobs—also known as analingus, rimming, eating ass, and tossing salad—have long been the butt of jokes (pun intended) this sex act is beloved by many. Here’s everything you need to know to give (or get) a rim job.
What is rimming?
Rimming is using one’s mouth and tongue to lick, nibble, and otherwise pleasure someone’s booty, especially the anal opening. It’s oral sex for the back door.
Does rimming feel good?
Yup—for many people, but not everyone, rimming is a source of pleasure. Your pudendal nerve—the nerve that goes to the clitoris and tip of the penis—also runs through your anus, with most of the nerve endings close to the opening. Stimulating these with your mouth and tongue, provides a lot of fun sensations, just like other forms of oral sex.
There’s also the fact that the taboo surrounding analingus makes it a really intimate activity and lets you and your beau connect on a deeper level.
How to Give a Rim Job
Communication is key! If this is something you want to try, share your desire with your partner. Talk about what you want, what precautions you want to take to decrease infection risk (more on that below), and any limits you have.
Before you get started, make sure you have a barrier, lube, and body wipes on hand.
Unless discomfort is part of your play, choose a position that’s comfortable for both you and your partner. This helps you both relax, enjoy yourself, and go longer. Here are a few fun and easy positions to try:
- Lying down with a pillow or rolled-up towel under your the hips, feet flat on the bed or pulling knees to ears
- On all fours (like for doggie style), knees apart and back arched
- Facedown with a pillow or rolled up-towel under your the hips
- Standing, facing a wall, with legs spread wide
- Face sitting
When it’s time to get it on, start with lots of foreplay. As you move to the booty, start by massaging, kneading, spanking. Kiss your way along their back, inner thighs, perineum/taint, butt cheeks, and ass crack. Once you’re at the anal opening, here are a few techniques to try (these are also great for blow jobs and cunnilingus):
- Lick it like an ice cream cone—long strokes from bottom to top and repeat.
- Flick your tongue quickly back and forth
- Swirl your tongue in circles or spell out the alphabet
- Trace either side, making half circles with your tongue. You can try this top and bottom or on either side.
- Dart your tongue in and out: this can be tentative or you can really fuck their asshole with your tongue
- Use your lips to kiss, suck, and blow
- Use your hands to pull the butt cheeks or fondle the front genitals simultaneously
What about cleanliness?
Any form of backdoor play carries the risk of coming into contact with poop. If that’s a deal breaker for you or your partner, that’s OK!
Cleaning thoroughly beforehand reduces this risk. Use a mild soap—not antibacterial as it kills off good bacteria too and can increase your risk of infection—and washcloth, and rinse well. If you have a bidet or removable shower head, use that to rinse all up inside! Some people feel more comfortable using an enema.
No time? A baby wipe works in a pinch.
Lots of time? Make showering together part of your foreplay!
Lastly, a note about hair: this is a super personal preference, just like for your front genitals. You don’t have to shave or wax. If you decide to, get someone to help as blind hair removal can lead to irritation, cuts, and ingrown hairs.
Like all sex acts, rimming has some infection risks. Because it’s the back door, you have to be mindful of both STIs like chlamydia and herpes and bacteria, viruses, and parasites that are passed fecal-orally, like Hepatitis, E.coli, and more. Keep in mind that someone can be infected with any of these and not have symptoms.
In addition to being mindful of your hygiene, here are three more things you can do to reduce your risk of infections while continuing to enjoy yourself:
- Around, not in. Focus your oral loving around the anal opening and on the perineum versus inside of it. This reduces your risk of coming into contact with bacteria.
- Use a barrier. Put a dental dam, condom cut in half, or glove-turned-dental-dam between your mouth and your beau’s anal opening during rimming. Plastic wrap also will work. Add some silicone lube on the receiver’s side of the barrier offers protection without sacrificing sensation!
- Don’t double dip. If you opted to not use protection, clean out your mouth before moving to your beau’s mouth or genitals.
It hopefully goes without saying that analingus isn’t the best idea if the receiver shows any signs of digestive distress.
If at first you don’t succeed…
Most of the time when you try something new, sexually or otherwise, it takes a few tries before you really “get” it. Having someone’s face all up in your booty isn’t something most of us have a lot of experience with. It’s normal if one or both of you feel a bit uncomfortable at first! If you enjoyed rimming despite that, or think you could, go ahead and try again.
The butt is the great equalizer
People of all genders and sexualities enjoy getting and giving rim jobs. Everyone has a butt and therefore everyone has those pleasure-giving nerve endings around it’s opening. If rimming feels good, go for it! If you decide it’s not for you, or not right now, that’s OK, too. The only people who get to decide what’s “normal” for your sex life are you and your partner(s).
Featured image by Tabata Roja
Author Bio Kait Scalisi, MPH, is an advocate for the revolutionary power of pleasure inside the bedroom and out. Through her public workshops, private counselling, and online platform Passion By Kait, she harnesses her science education, social justice insight, and radical empathy to empower folx to get more in tune with their bodies, discover what brings them pleasure, and integrate it into their lives and relationships in ways that are both practical and powerful. Learn more and find #freedominpleasure at PassionbyKait.com, Instagram and Twitter @PassionbyKait, and Facebook www.facebook.com/PassionbyKait.