If you’ve found yourself at the intersections of wellness meets women’s sexual health meets crystal-infused-everything worlds on Instagram or TikTok recently you’ve likely seen the term. But what does “sex magic” actually mean and how in the world do you get your partner in on it?
First things first. Let’s define it.
Sex magic = sets of juicy, dreamy, and totally magnetic intention setting rituals that are brought to life through pleasure and orgasm. In layman’s terms, you add sex to a manifestation process to propel the energy behind it.
Let’s note, orgasm isn’t necessary to bring an intention to life. While it certainly doesn’t hurt, my personal goal not just for myself, but for society as a whole, is to shift the focus of experiencing pleasure from the end goal—orgasm—to the journey—the heaps of pleasure felt along the way. There are so many ways to experience pleasure. The more we dig into the different pathways to pleasure and expand our thoughts regarding what pleasure actually is and what it means to us, the more magic we can create.
Okay, now that we’re on the same page, let’s chat partner rituals. I’ve written about how to build your own solo ritual, but just as things change when you’re pleasuring a partner vs. yourself…so does ritual. And when it comes to partner rituals, simplicity is key. The convergence of energies is powerful (not to mention totally hot), so you want to make sure you’re aligned.
Pre-ritual requirement: Communication! Communication is the key to good sex in general, but especially when it comes to sex magic. It’s not uncommon that your partner is hearing about sex magic for the first time ever from you. Think of it like meditation. If your partner has never heard of it before, let alone done it, you can’t just say, “hey honey, come meditate with me” and expect it to go well.
Isabelle Frappier, pleasure mentor and sex educator agrees, “it can feel a little daunting to bring the topic up. While I’m a big fan of sexual communication, timing is everything. It’s best to not spring the desire on a partner during sex when everyone is already feeling vulnerable. [It’s] best to have the conversation outside of the bedroom, during a comfortable moment. Over a slice of pizza perhaps, or a cozy couch cuddle.”
She suggests sharing the desire to get magical in a way that opens the conversation vs. in a way that demands it. A great approach to the conversation is with a line like, “I’ve been curious to explore sex magic, is that something you’re familiar with, curious about, or open to exploring?”
Assuming your partner says “yes, please,” Here is the lowdown on how to create the ritual itself:
1. Set a mutually agreed upon intention. This could include anything from calling in abundance, to generating increased passion, to cultivating creativity. Your imagination is the only limit here.
2. Choose individual mantras that sit as pillars under the overarching intention—think of the intention as the roof of the pillars of the palace. To keep things simple, use “I am” statements for your mantras. For example, if you are concocting a ritual for passion mantras could be something like: “I am a sensual being,” “I am a divine expression of feminine energy,” “I am gentle, yet fierce.”
3. Create space. Both physically and emotionally. Select the music, the scent, the surrounding colors so that they’re in alignment with the intention. For example, if the intention is to bring in abundance (let’s say, money), you could choose songs that speak to wealth or what you imagine your life to look like, wear green lingerie or have a green blanket in the space, use luxe feeling sheets, etc.—anything to set the mood to evoke that feeling and energetic frequency.
4. Touch each other. Move slowly. Remember, this is a journey and we are building heat and raising energy together towards a shared mission. As things pick up and start feeling good and energy starts emanating from the inside out, in addition to the “normal” noises you make, repeat your chosen mantra out loud. Bounce your mantras back and forth to each other.
5. Orgasm* (again, I don’t want this to be the focus and if it doesn’t happen the magic isn’t ruined). As you’re reaching the crest of your pleasure ride look up towards that overarching intention. Come back to it…come with it (pun very much intended). Note, you and your partner are not expected to come simultaneously *insert sigh of relief.*
6. Lie together and feel as though what you are manifesting is already in motion. Learn what that energy frequency feels like in your bodies. Become familiar with it. You’ve created it once, now you can both work together to create it again on a grander scale.
That’s it! Sex magic isn’t rocket science. It simply takes time, intention, mutual want, trust, and desire… oh, and a whole lot of pleasure. Enjoy and get manifesting with your partners, you beautiful beings. And for those sans partners at the moment (who are looking to be in partnership), check out my solo partnership manifestation ritual.