How do I give oral without hurting my jaw?
Ah, the age old question.
Of course, everyone’s anatomy and tolerance levels are different. Without knowing your specific details—what position you typically give oral in, the tingly bits on your receiving partner(s), etc., I’ve kept my advice fairly broad. Use the below information as a loose guide and do what works best for you and your partner(s).
Warm them up
A lot of sex advice recommends licking, nibbling, kissing, stroking, and massaging your way down the body. There are many reasons for this but one is that such a course of action helps them get aroused and excited but is easy on your jaw.
As you do this, avoid anything that would be covered by a bathing suit. The two of you can decide how full coverage or skimpy said suit is.
Wait to take their bits into your mouth
Once you have them warmed up, begin to tease their genitals. Let your hands, hair, and lips brush it but don’t linger. When and only when they’re flushed, panting, and literally or figuratively begging for it, take their bits in your mouth.
Have them practice coming more quickly
If part of the problem is they take a long time to experience orgasm, it may help to have them practice experiencing orgasm more quickly. If they typically masturbate without lubrication or by rubbing against a rough surface, those might be impacting their ability to experience orgasms in other, gentler, and wetter ways. A mindful masturbation challenge could help.
Reduce your gag reflex during fellatio
OhNut is a revolutionary wearable that allows couples to explore comfortable penetration depths, including during blow jobs.
Designed to address painful sex, OhNut is a body-safe, soft, and stretchy sexual health device that allows you to give the sensation of deep throating without hurting your jaw or triggering a gag reflex. It’s adjustable, with four stackable, linking rings and comfort ridges that compress down and allow your partner to penetrate as deep as you can allow without discomfort while simultaneously giving them the sensation of being enveloped in your warm, wet mouth.
Smart, simple, and playful, OhNut is worn externally at the base of a penetrating partner so you can adjust how deep feels good—for both of you.
Make them more sensitive
If they take a long time to experience orgasm, a stimulant enhances the sensitivity for more satisfaction.
For people with penises, I recommend Sliquid Ride Bodyworx Rise Stimulating Gel. Formulated with peppermint and menthol, the gel promotes blood flow giving people with penises a subtle erectile boost and enhanced sensation.
For people with vulvas, my clients and I adore ON Arousal Oil. Using a blend of essential oils and botanicals including sweet almond and cinnamon, this oil awakens nerve endings and increases blood flow so every lick will be more intense. It starts with a gentle warming effect before moving to a buzzing, vibrating, and pulsating sensation on the clitoris.
Check in with a physical therapist
If you notice jaw pain is a regular experience, it’s worth checking in with a healthcare provider and/or physical therapist. There may be exercises you can do to release and/or strengthen your jaw so that it can work longer and harder. This is especially true if you’ve been working on a computer more, have had worse posture, and/or started grinding your teeth.
Stop when you want or need to
Oral doesn’t have to look one single way. Maybe you take them all the way to the finish, or maybe you stop beforehand. Unless pain is part of your play, there’s no need to hurt yourself for someone else’s pleasure.
What stories are you telling yourself about giving head and your role in it?
What did you learn about giving oral sex and your role in it? If you had sex education, what did you learn from it? What messages did porn send? What were you taught about how someone with your identities—whatever they are, dear Anonymous—and their role in a relationship?
Oftentimes these identity-based stories shape how we show up in our relationships and run the show on a subconscious level. If you need help discovering and sorting through these messages, I recommend reaching out to an affirming sexuality professional for sex coaching or therapy.
The more comfortable you are, the more excited you’ll be and happier they’ll be
When you are comfortable, you’ll enjoy yourself more. Seeing you be into it stokes their desire. So don’t forget to prioritize your comfort and pleasure too!