Ask Kait: 10 Foreplay Tips to Drive Him Wild for Him
I would love to know more tips about foreplay for men.
Foreplay is one of the most overlooked parts of sex. It’s dismissed as all the stuff you do before you get it on—aka have penis-in-vagina intercourse. Not only does this exclude everyone but cis, heterosexual couples, but it also limits how much pleasure you and your partner get to experience. Things like making out, oral sex, and manual sex (handjobs and fingering) feel good, and bring people to experience orgasm!
10 Foreplay Tips for Him
With that in mind, foreplay for men isn’t all that different as it is for women. The main idea is to slow the eff down and make pleasure your goal—instead of getting to some made-up main event.
Expand your idea of foreplay
Foreplay doesn’t only need to be this thing that happens between the sheets before intercourse. It also a) can take place throughout the day (e.g. sexting or reading sexy books) and b) can be the main event on its own.
Give them a show
You can choose foreplay that’s visual in nature like sending sexy images of yourself, doing a strip tease or lap dance, or letting them watch you while you pleasure yourself. Or while doing another foreplay act, let your face and body reflect your enjoyment. (And if you aren’t enjoying what you’re doing, is there a way to make it more pleasurable for you?)
The more comfortable you are—both physically and doing things you enjoy (or at least are OK with)—the more you’ll enjoy yourself and the more turned on you’ll both be as you get more and more into it watching the other do the same. Don’t be afraid to ask for what you want and need as you pleasure them.
Take your time
Instead of jumping straight into manual or oral sex, explore their body. Kiss, stroke, and lick everywhere but their genitals. Listen for them to start panting, look for the flush and goosebumps on their skin, and, if you’re feeling extra naughty, wait for them to beg or plead with you before you do.
Worry less about physical arousal, and more about what they say
You can play with a soft penis or use lube with a vulva* that isn’t as wet as you both would like. Instead of focusing on their genitals, look for other clues, especially them telling you how much they’re enjoying themselves.
Make it a full body experience
Use your hands, mouth, hair, chest, words, and body to delight them. Explore them from head to toe and back again, discovering new areas that make them groan.
Consider playing with power
If one of you tends to be in charge in the bedroom more, flip the script. Meet them at the door on your knees, all “my body is yours tonight,” or trap them between you and a wall and let them know you can’t wait to hear them beg.
Ask them about their fantasies and act one out
Don’t ignore their nipples (unless they told you to)
Men’s nipples aren’t sexualized in the same way as women’s. This not only leads to us needing to #FreetheNipple but also means that men’s nipples are ignored during sex. In reality, they can be equally sensitive.
Bring their booty into it
The back door has tons of nerve endings, most of which are right near the anal opening. This makes a great place to explore, either on its own or combined with another sex act (like oral or manual sex). Here are three ideas to get you started:
- Stroke, massage, tickle, and slap their ass
- Use your finger or tongue to circle it
- Use your fingers or toy to massage their prostate
Read more: Butt Sex Basics
Be curious and explore
As with anything in sex, there is no normal, only more or less common. Talk about what will feel good for both of you! What ultimately matters is that you and your partner enjoy yourselves during foreplay, get turned on, and find freedom in pleasure.
*Not all men have penises and not all people with penises are men. Genitals do not equal gender.
Featured image by Chris Liverani
Author Bio Kait Scalisi, MPH, is an advocate for the revolutionary power of pleasure inside the bedroom and out. Through her public workshops, private counselling, and online platform Passion By Kait, she harnesses her science education, social justice insight, and radical empathy to empower folx to get more in tune with their bodies, discover what brings them pleasure, and integrate it into their lives and relationships in ways that are both practical and powerful. Learn more and find #freedominpleasure at PassionbyKait.com, Instagram and Twitter @PassionbyKait, and Facebook www.facebook.com/PassionbyKait.