Ask Kait: Where Can I Find Lingerie That Won’t Make Me Feel Ridiculous?
Can you share a roundup of lingerie that won’t make me feel ridiculous?
I’m a big believer in adorning yourself in things that bring you pleasure. Lingerie is one way to do that, showing yourself love with your undergarments and maybe gifting your partner(s) a show, too.
While that’s great in theory, finding lingerie you love and that loves you back is not always easy. From lack of size inclusion and support to limited colors to all the damn straps (seriously, where do they all go?), lingerie can have an element of cheesiness to it. Thankfully, we’re living in a time where there are more options than ever. We rounded up the best lingerie that won’t make you feel ridiculous—and three tips to find it.
What to look for when choosing lingerie
Kimmay Caldwell, an undergarment educator and self-love coach, says to look for these three things so that lingerie does not end up feeling ridiculous:
- Wear what fits your body. Whether it’s a basic bra or a sexy nightgown, use the number on the tag as information (not a definition) and size accordingly. Wearing something ill-fitting, whether it be too loose and falling off, or uncomfortably tight, leads to feeling less sexy. Wearing something that fits well and feels good leads to feeling confident and comfortable.
- Wear something you love. There’s no harm in trying to please a partner with your lingerie attire, but if their fantasy includes something you find silly or uncomfortable, it could end up being a dud for both of you. Try to find some common ground in what you two find sexy so the lingerie is on your own terms, too.
- Keep it simple. If you’re just dipping a toe into the lingerie world, start with simple, easy to wear items that are less complicated to put on and take off and have a more classic appeal. Try something tried and true like a sophisticated silk chemise, or a beautiful matching bra and panty set. There’s no need to overcomplicate things. Simple is sexy. In fact, “lingerie” implies attire made specifically for sex, or strappy outfits and costumes. But your everyday undergarments can be considered lingerie, too!
Lingerie that won’t make you feel ridiculous
I also reached out to friends and colleagues for their favorite lingerie. Here are the pieces, brands, and styles that make them feel sexy and confident.
“My favourite piece of lingerie is the garter. While historically a little gimmicky, modern garters are an accessory that can add a sexy, flirty, or just unexpected touch. If the traditional white ruffles are not your thing, garters come in leather, lace, and even chains.” –Shadeen Francis, LMFT, sex therapist
“You can’t go wrong with classic French bras and panties that fit well: The Saga is fav.” Kimmay Caldwell, Hurray Kimmay
“I like Rihanna’s brand, Savage X. I have their undies and it’s the first pair that closely matches my skin tone. Her brand is very body positive and is budget-friendly.” -Thien-Kim Lam, Founder, Bawdy Bookworms
“It’s so empowering to collect flattering lingerie, hire a photographer, and write about the experience. I do this every few years, my latest last spring. I like sexy bras and panties but this Lise Charmel robe is special. It feels as sexy as it looks, and when it’s open, it frames and highlights anything underneath it—whether it’s sexy undies or a naked body.” Joan Price, Senior sex author, speaker, and advocate for ageless sexuality
“I met the founder of Burgundy Fox through an event. When we discussed our missions, I learned that we’d both created companies with the purpose of supporting all bodies and the belief that everyone deserves to feel desired and to feel pleasure. When I wear the lingerie I feel like I am honoring my sexual self.” – Heather A Rider, Founder, Course Magazine
“[These MOB boxer shorts] are incredibly sexy for a partner who likes to wear boy shorts. I definitely benefit when my partner wears them.” Lanae St. John, DHS, ACS, sexologist and author, The Mama Sutra
Some other favorites include:
At the end of the day, it’s all about what makes you feel great.
One woman, who asked to be kept anonymous, sums it up best:
“And a wise friend of mine once said, ‘It’s not what you wear, it’s how you wear it.’ She was right. I felt sexy wearing a loose tank top, no bra, a hiking skirt, hiking boots and a hat. Why? Because I was confident and with someone I have the hots for. I like lingerie, but honestly, anyone can work a beach towel if they do it with confidence and have a caring partner.”
I couldn’t agree more.
Author Bio Kait Scalisi, MPH, is an advocate for the revolutionary power of pleasure inside the bedroom and out. Through her public workshops, private counselling, and online platform Passion By Kait, she harnesses her science education, social justice insight, and radical empathy to empower folx to get more in tune with their bodies, discover what brings them pleasure, and integrate it into their lives and relationships in ways that are both practical and powerful. Learn more and find #freedominpleasure at PassionbyKait.com, Instagram and Twitter @PassionbyKait, and Facebook www.facebook.com/PassionbyKait.